Documentation on the self. 

I’m really beginning to appreciate the documentation of my thoughts. Like I can literally see myself fighting myself in words. The actual visuals really give perspective to where the mental breakdown lies. It’s amazing. I’m amazing. To watch the self battle the self is an art form in itself. Like I am trying to be someone I just ain’t. But I’m still trying. Fighting against what just comes natural to me. Am I going to be one of those women who finally realize who they are at age 35? Because if so, I ain’t with it. It’s just not ummm appealing to me? Does that make sense? I had this man that I was so in love with constantly talk down to me because I wouldn’t comment on his self growth the way he wanted me to. “Oh you’ll understand when you’re my age” or “you don’t understand because of your age”. It was like his only rebuttal to anything he brought up. The same weak sentences really didn’t bother me. I mean what should someone say on another’s growth? I’m going to comment and give you my thoughts on your inner self? Listen, whatever you find enlightening or progressive in any thought patterns you have I only want to foster that growth. Not hinder it with words you may find to be not as supportive as you expected. We are all very sensitive when it comes to our personal growth. Some want kind words. Some want to boast on how expanding their inner self is so freeing. While others appreciate the silence in which they grow. I had to keep mentioning “baby it ain’t about age, I’m just listening”. Sometimes that just ain’t enough for a man who wants to be applauded for every brilliant thought he comes across. I get it. But it’s subjective to think it has to do with age. We all go through a lot. We all change. We evolve. What you may go through in your early thirties, someone may have gone through in their late twenties. I don’t hinder nor do I expect growth from people. I simply just encourage.  Time does not stand on its own, it only matters what you do with the time. Words should be built in the form of ladders to help others step higher in their lives. Maybe that’s what he missed. What he thought I couldn’t comprehend turns out he overlooked what my words were trying to build. Sometimes people really just do not know what they want. And that’s fine. Completely fine. It’s perfectly fine to not know what you really want. Just don’t think another person can’t understand your excitement for your own personal growth because of their age. That’s ridiculous. But I digress. We’ve all loved a fool or two in our past lives, right?

I guess the point I’m trying to make is I hope you see the potential in your personal growth. It doesn’t matter if the next person can’t see it. They don’t matter. You matter. The growth matters. And if you ever want to talk, I’m a really good listener. 😊

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