I pray a lot. I do. In the morning, during breakfast. I just pray. It’s simple conversation about things I struggle with like my relationship and past lovers who won’t leave me at peace. I speak about the day ahead and how I hope it’s a great day. Lately it’s been a lot of conversing on the topic of being a better woman. A better person. A whole person. My mind wanders a lot through out the day and I always find myself in bed with a past lover. There’s intimacy shared. Nothing physical I think more just lying next to each other in wait. Just waiting for another chance. I play with these thoughts constantly. I mean constantly. I just wish that there was a way to know who you are meant to be with. At least some idea. Something as opposed to empty fantasies you’d never dare to indulge. I pray for clarity. I am aware of all that’s in front of me. My life. My career. My relationship. Me. But if he were to ask…. this is why I pray so much. To stay on the path. My favorite time to pray is during my evening showers. I feel clean when confessing. It’s a mental thing. As I’m confessing, I am purifying myself under warm waters. Soap washing off the dirt of the day. Steady pressure releasing thoughts. And I am speaking to the most high and asking for guidance. I need strength. Or else… I just need to pray harder.
Artwork: After the Bath, Woman Drying Herself by Edgar Degas