I left to Cuba a few weekends ago. For just a Saturday afternoon and brunch on Sunday. I danced. I drank. I lived. I laughed. I felt alive. Had an awesome group of people with me. The impulsivity of the entire trip was just unbelievable. Only a quick 45min flight over the Atlantic to see the greenery of rolling hills and forgotten roads lost between pastures. There was a point in the clouds I couldn’t tell if I was right side up. The sky and the sea became identical. There’s no proper color description of blue to even give you an idea of the imagery I witnessed. I apologize. That’s why when words fail the lips, pictures and videos fill the heart. To spend a quick weekend in another country was amazing. No time taken off from work. Early morning flight Saturday and an afternoon flight for Sunday. What a weekend. 

I flew in with my group and didn’t think nothing of it flying back separately that Sunday. Got to the airport and we all split. I promise my angel was with me that day because what I went through, it still affecting me till this day. You really have to be mindful of your thoughts. They take power. They take shape into reality. When this trip first came about, I was hesitant. I didn’t wanna go. I was scared. Mainly because well… it’s a communist country and I wasn’t with it. Then a death came about and I was a little easier with the idea. Despite my fears, I went. I got my boarding pass to come home and while I was in line for immigration, my nightmare took place. I was next up in line, handed in my passport and i was told to step out of line. Passport was still held, supervisor came and took me and a few other people down to a separate line. Still my passport was not given back. Freaking out and praying, i just went with the flow. Got through security and they swabbed my hands. Finally got back my passport. Bought my bottle of rum and sat down at my gate. I was praying for the most high to stay with me. I met a girl who actually flew for the airline I was on when I was in line for my boarding pass. It just so happened that I ran into her again. I told her what happened and she was comforting. The gate was changed and I never heard it. Luckily for me, she did. So we moved to the new gate and I just broke down. I had my first real anxiety attack in Cuba. I couldn’t control myself. I was so overwhelmed and scared and thinking what if I never met this girl and she didn’t tell me what was going on? I had no phone service in Cuba. No wifi. Nothing. How was I gonna get my man and family to know what was goin on? I got on the plane and still just couldn’t stop crying. 

The one thing that she said to me was “don’t worry sweetie, God sent me” and I just calmed down after a good 30mins of crying. To make matters worse then same ladies that took my passport came to my gate and seemed as if they were looking for someone. That just topped it all off for me. 

I arrived safely in Fort Lauderdale,Fl and just ran to my man crying. Poor man, he had no idea what was going on. I had an awful time getting back into the states and was just so scared. I was all alone and just panicking. 

Sometimes at night, my mind treads back to that and I feel myself just losing grip of reality and I feel the tears begin to form in my eyes. 

It’s fear. 
I was alone. In another country. With no way to communicate what was happening. Holding it all in and praying. 
I don’t know how to undo this feeling.
I should be fearless having been able to go through it and voicing my story. 
But I’m not. 
I’m really not.

I’m a US citizen and that sunken feeling of having my passport taken away was terrifying. The thoughts that ran through my mind. I can’t imagine what families are going through when they are denied the right to enter into our country.

-Artwork titled “She’s gone” artist: Unknown 

Leave me a comment