Trust me, this is everything to me…

Because Monday I was ready to quit my relationship, I prayed hard that night. And I asked questions about who/what/ why couldn’t things be clearer. What can’t be seen should be felt and I wasn’t feeling anything. I was expecting to feel something overwhelming and soft and awakening. It’s hard to walk into relationships without expectations and it’s bullshit if someone says I have no expectations. We have/hold to a certain degree a slight expectation of what/how we want to be treated. That’s an expectation. We have a goal in mind once we enter a relationship. That’s an expectation. We are not young adults in our early 20’s going through life just tryna touch everybody. We are shy a few years of 30, in careers, moving and building a life that we want. Expectations are inevitable because without them, aren’t we just kinda wasting time? In a sense expectations give some type of direction, more or less. 
What a life, right? Sometimes, I talk in circles. I prayed. I want more out of my relationship. That’s my expectation and if I do not receive that, then staying is a waste of time. Time is our truth. It reveals what really lies in/beneath/between us. 

And it’s time for my ass to go to bed for real. 

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