It was 4:45am on a Wednesday morning and I decided that today I was ready for life. You know the feeling, there’s an entire itinerary that you have mentally created while your eyes are still closed and today is the day deemed the most productive. Yes, today I wanted to live all the lives I… Read More What have you been avoiding lately?
Artwork:https://instagram.com/p/wzbx6azZS9/ I became obsessed with a lover, once. There a few that may read this and think this is about them. My lover knows exactly who he is. There’s no clearer portrayal of him than the one I paint constantly. I became so obsessed with my lover that the only way I could have him… Read More A Writer’s Obsession
Things get weird sometimes. There’s so many unanswered questions, too many thoughts in the middle of the night and sometimes we just can’t get away. So for a few months a journey began in quest of some reset. Work was daunting and taking up more time than I cared to give. School took a mental… Read More Where’s the reset button?
It’s painful. The aching and crying and the drinking. The drinking is the worst. I crave it at this point. It helps numb the heart. Helps with moving through each day. My favorite is a sweet but somewhat dry red wine. Pair that with some stuffed grape leaves, drenched in olive oil and lounge seductively… Read More Diary entry: 11/30/17
It’s hard not write about you. To you. For you. When you’re all I think about. My ears are ringing in hopes that my name is leaving your lips. Nothing more than a fantasy at this point. That’s all I do sometimes during the busy hours of the day, my mind fills itself with images… Read More Diary entry: 12/1/17
I’ll always wonder what it must be like to be with someone like you. In totality. In completeness. To belong. To become. To fulfill you and only you. To sleep across your chest at night and not have worries of separation over the next few days, I’ll always wonder. I fill with intense jealousy at… Read More Diary entry: 11/30/17
Model information: https://www.instagram.com/p/BVdAcyDFgU9/ Burying my face in the bodies of other lovers in my futile attempts to forget you. Giving them pieces of me that are undeniably meant for you. I only want to forget the sensation but you are embedded in my flesh. Embedded in the memory of me. I wear you. Taste you.… Read More The misery of absence
Because I alone am not able to replicate your abilities nor your performance, I am left in agony tonight. Why do you give so much when we’re engaged? Is there something that the lips are forbidden to say? Must I continue to read what’s written against my thighs? I want to be nothing more than… Read More Diary entry: 10/15/17
Photographer: Michel Perez I just need to stop. Un-learn the desire to want, to want for more. Detaching from the notion that the sweat accumulating between sheets somehow correlates to the intensity of more than lust. We are no more than our selfishness. No more than the flesh we wear. We are no more my… Read More Diary entry: 10/11/17
Photo information: Anais Mali in “Bienvenida, Cuba” by Benny Horne for Vogue Spain, March 2016. Anything I can do to keep my mind off of it. Working overtime. Writing overtime. Drinking till I can’t hold back. Drinking till my words mean more to me than ever so I bite down to keep them from spilling.… Read More Diary entry: 10/10/17
It’s warm tonight. Bare feet against the heated pavement. I love watching the sunset from the third floor. Nothing but a t-shirt that barely covers my breast and cheeky boy shorts on this evening. Maybe a few stars joining in on this show. I feel good. I feel full. I feel sexy again. And it’s… Read More Diary entry:10/9/17
Can we still call it being selfish or blaming it on just poor behavior on our parts? When do we begin to own all that we are doing? Laying across your chest, listening to the melodies your body conducts, I feel alive. The pulsing. The throbbing and moving of a heart I want to hold.… Read More Diary entry: 10/8/17
Artist: the-philogynist I’m supposed to stop. It’s about control right now. I can bring myself to the tipping point but not allowing the full moment to take over. It’s sickening in its truth but there’s formation taking place. Building. Allowing for the space to be filled. I’m waiting. Still mouthing every letter of your name.… Read More Diary entry: 10/4/17
I will never not be convinced that something was there. At least more should have been explored. The idea of leaving was never enough during our time, but it was dangerously weighed. Do you ever wonder just how beautiful we would’ve become in the openness of passion? The what if’s will forever preoccupy a wondering… Read More Diary entry: 8/18/17
I should really be conducting myself better than this, being that I am practically a married woman, although everyone knows almost doesn’t count. But explain that to a man who comes from a home where love was never questioned. It’s hard to get a conditioned mind away from the concept of monogamy. We met a… Read More The adulteress